My world in COLOURS (A dedication to my darling Sister)

All the things I encounter are represented by colours

Confused comes out PINK

BLUE when I’m excited

ORANGE is just frustrating

GREEN for all things calm

When I’m tired it’s BROWN
PURPLE for when i feel pretty

LEMON makes me gag
Serenity in WHITE
BLACK for all things beautiful
It’s RED when I’m strong
And Inspiration is YELLOW

Then I see you

You are all colours combined

A rainbow couldn't compare

You are transparent but a kaleidoscope of colours

You are every colour under the sun

You are perfect to me

High Passions at Gatherings Past

The other day, a group of people I was hanging out with after a small house party started talking about Africa, Nigeria and Nigerians in western world.

The main issue of the topic was Nigeria and its perpetual state of general shittyness, I mean yes you have some good things about it, which believe me a lot of Nigerians would be happy to tell you they are proud of but how about the million and one things that aren’t working. 

At the discussion at first we all just shouted over each other to get our points across, we all had ideas about key things that needs to be faced, like the corruption (not only in politics but in everyday life), like electricity (having constant electricity would resolve lots of issues), the problems with oil and oil drilling in the Niger delta area and countless number of things. After a couple of hours shouting at the top of our voices; some more than others we decided to take turns making a few points and having people add to it or dispute it.  We continued on like this for awhile, stating recent and historical facts to help make our case, everyone was passionate about the issues they brought forward, looking at their faces I could see the frustrations of the past, their anger at the present and their fears at the future of Nigeria running itself into the ground, at its possibility of it becoming in the future, poverty stricken, fruitless and its people completely devoid of their ability to fight to better their lives.

Image via Wikipedia

We talked about setting up associations that can help fight to make Nigeria better, of the rising of people like Malcolm X and Martin Luther King to do what they did for the African Americans and lead Nigerians into a frenzied march of freedom from political hell, from prevalent corruption and abject poverty. To have their 

daily cries heard, to stop the stamping of brilliant minds with lack of education. We commended the bravery this person or persons would have to posses to go up against a government with a history of silencing those that have spoken out in the past either by imprisonment or even death. We were all ready for a change, we are a generation that is tired of ploughing away in western worlds and using our brains to benefit that world, instead of doing this in our own countries, making our homeland a place to celebrate and live our lives surrounded by our culture(s).

We did all this and more, but we did not announce ourselves as the new world leader, the person to be the leader of men, the person to fight the cause, at the end of the day we all just got into our cars and headed home, to get up and go to work the next day, and the next and the next.

What i realised is not that we lack the passion to do something, but the dedication to do anything, a dedication so great, that could motivate us to leave our current lives behind and head off into this world that is surely to have, hundreds of obstacles along paths so jagged it is life threatening. No our passions might run high just not high enough to have us off our seats running head first into shark infested waters.  After all we all have our lives to live. 

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Braves Vs Dedicateds

For centuries the world has celebrated the Brave, the braves have gone down in history as legends, those for us to mould ourselves in their image, those whose bravery we should replicate. Really think about it, the Greek hero Heracles (known in roman myth as Hercules) was sometimes referred to as Hercules the brave amongst his many names, Joan of arc was commended for her bravery even at such a young age; of course she was later said to be crazy and burned at the stake (this was in the middle ages, their cure for everything was to burn it); however that’s besides the point, the French had a lot of wins following her into battle.  So maybe it was not so much bravery but something else.

I’ve always thought that a dedicated person gets the same results as a brave person. Sure the brave charge into battle head first, smashing down its enemies along the way while screaming DIEEEEEE. However the dedicated, the dedicated knows it has to win the war, so while the dedicated might not charge into battle head first, they certainly will run at their enemies (while pissing themselves) in full force making sure they bring down the ones in their part, because they know that losing is not an option, so they charge ahead while screaming I WILL NOT DIEEEE.

Image by Si Jobling via Flickr

Slight difference but same results, you could say the important part is your journey to where you need to be but I think your destination is key, the journey to get there might be full of courage, strength and clarity for some, for others its tumbling over obstacles, taking a hair dryer to the polar ice caps that will sink your ship or simply walking round a puddle in your way, THE POINT IS YOU GET THERE. 

Definitions and Labels

I'm African, I say that often, especially since I live in a western world, I’m asked where I’m from several times in life, and not only in application forms. I’m asked to distinguish if I’m African, and sometimes its broken down to if I’m black British, black African, black mixed and many more options. I always tick the “Black African” box.  What does that mean exactly other than narrowing down a geographical location of where I’m from, I not sure if it defines me at all. I always feel like I’m betraying my heritage if I think of ticking any other box, so what I’m a British citizen but its not who I am, its not where my people are from, do I have people?  if so who are my people, and how do I define them? Does saying “I’m African” define who I am either and if it does, how? How does that tell people I like to write, or that cooking relaxes me or the kind of books I read, or that I like reading at all.

Although stating I’m African tells my heritage, it hardly says anything else at all. It doesn’t say that of the several of different races in Africa, I’m black or that of the many regions in Africa I’m from West Africa or that of the several west African countries I’m from Nigeria, it doesn’t even state of the 120 something ethnicities in Nigeria I’m of the Yoruba ethnicity.

How can your place of origin define you as a person? Sure it adds to it but it can never truly define you, your culture might influence how you are raised but so does many other factors, your parent’s beliefs religious or otherwise, the school you attend, the books you read and lots more.

Can being Yoruba have influenced me enough to define me as a person, if that’s the case, does the same apply to the Brazilian region populated by people of Yoruba decent , can they be said to be exactly like me?  In which case how are they to be defined, certainly not African?

I’ve often wondered if the people that read the ethnicity section of a form can really determine the character or worth of a person based on the box ticked. I mean how you interpret the options; can it really tell you anything other than a specific race in which case does that make that section relevant in a civilised and more tolerable world? Can we really say it adds any value? If a box can not clearly define a person then maybe having a box at all is a problem. Maybe having a box that defines a person is the actual problem.

What if putting a label on a person is truly the issue here, if we could get rid of labels completely, will be able to truly understand ourselves and others among us, if labels do not exist, can a person put a clear picture across of who they really are? Definitions or labels do not seem to do us any good now; it can not tell you who has the ability to be prime minister, a serial killer or even the next bill gates. I think Toni Morrison clinched it when in her book “Beloved” when she said “Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined”. 

Reflections of Me

I look in the mirror at my reflection

The lie of it so glaring, the image portrayed so untrue

Where is myself in it, the true reflection of me

Where is the confidence I feel, the belief in me

Where is my smile so big, the happiness in me

Where is the map of my achievements on my face, the strong person in me

The reflection I see, is a lie too huge to believe

I see emptiness, the lonely person in me

I see failures, the fear I won’t succeed

I see a person so different to me

The reflection I see, so completely unlike me.

Journey through with Friends

On my journey through life, I've meet lots of people and I stress that word lots. Some have greatly impacted my life, some in good ways, and others in bad ways and some well they just haven't made a difference at all. In fact I bet there are several that never even registered in my mind.

A smart woman (my sister, don't tell her I called her smart, I'll never hear the last of it) once said to me always surround yourself with people that add value to your life, and it was good advice. I don't have lots of friends but the few I do have are invaluable. Most times I find any difficulties I encounter are made easier by the people around me. I always wondered what the best way to define friends was, then on an ordinary day I had a light bulb moment and it came to me. They are the ones I turn to when I’m happy, sad, heart broken, confused and so many more emotions I don't wish to add. Unlike love at first site I never know if I’m going to be friends with everyone I meet and most times I’m not even thinking about assessing them to add to my list of indispensables (that’s what I call my group of friends), it just sort of happens, the trip between when I met them to when they become a friend is something I never quite think to make a record of; somewhere down the line I find myself referring to them as a friend and the dye is set.

Take my siblings for one, I mean its one thing to be family and its something else entirely to be friends, I’m friends with a few of my siblings, yes not all of them, that one surprised me too. I find that with some of them, if we weren’t related, I wouldn’t even like them as a person.  Not a lot of my friends are the same as me, in reality most of them differ from me in character but I think that’s part of the appeal, they make up for were I fall short. 

My friends know me, they know my looks, and they know my smiles, sometimes they can even read my mind.  They even know my flaws, they see my inadequacies but more importantly they see my value, even values I never noticed in myself, they hold a mirror up to my face and my reflection through their eyes is wonderful to look at, its like my own personal cheerleading squad, bringing with them a journey worth taking, a friendship worth having, a life worth celebrating.  If their existence in my journey through life make if easier to travel through it, then I wouldn’t want to take that journey with out them. 

Notes to Myself

19 November at 17:36

I know where i need to be, I can see my destination clearly, I know who i want to be, I know who i'd love to be; but what is unclear to me is my journey to this destination. B.Onimole

18 July at 20:26

I stumble blindly across the world, hoping i'll find my way. i look clear across the horizon and try to map my part, but i don't see anything. So i settle for just feeling my way through Life. I fall sometimes and i bump into things but i keep going; i refuse to lay down, i refuse to give up, to give up is to die, i refuse to die. B.Onimole

07 July at 11:02
Thick black box, i'm locked in a thick black box. my screams can not be heard, neither can my pounding on the walls and ceiling. All sounds made fall on deaf hears. Please hear me, if you would only listen you would hear me. B.Onimole

01 July at 14:37

Standing at the edge of the ocean i SEE it, the point where the sky meets the earth. The merging of the mysterious sky with the discovered but yet to be conquered earth i SEE it. I SEE the point, all this from a windowless room. That's the power of imagination. B.Onimole

21 May at 11:40

Thoughts of a BEAUTIFUL Mind-Take the 1st step, then a 2nd,and the 3rd before you know it you are at the end of the road. Life is that simple. The hardest bit is the FIRST step. B.Onimole

Changing of days

Some days I wake into a world I’m very sure was different from when I went to sleep. It sometimes seems bright and full of ambition, with opportunities waiting at every corner, obstacles melt away in the sweltering sun and life and everything in it makes sense. With every breath the possibilities just keep growing, you can see the smile on peoples faces as everything falls into place, happiness at that time seems like a norm. Like life has always been this breezy and you can clearly see you hopes fulfilled and your dreams come through. You feel like you are looking directly into your future and all you hope to achieve is lined up very neatly in a row like dominos right up to your final goal and your ultimate peace. You go to sleep with a smile that day knowing the world is on your side and happiness is not just a word in the dictionary, it is a feeling that can actually be attained. As you drift to sleep your final thoughts are that of bunnies running around on a field while the birds sing and you finally fall unconscious with sleep at the sound of a flowing stream, as you look forward to having the same day tomorrow.

Slowly you become conscious again, waking up from your sleep, you come to terms with what you are feeling, then the confusion sets in cause its so different from what you where feeling when you last closed your eyes. What could have possibly changed? What in the time you where floating in the realm of sleep could have possibly have made such an impact to your zen feeling of yesterday. How could things look so completely different from when you last looked at it, like some quick handed thief snatched your beautiful outlook on life? Now it all seems so dreary, the sky is thick with clouds, you can not seem to catch your breath and no matter how hard you try, you can’t shake the feeling there is yet more gloom waiting around the corner. So you go on and right there, right there is the displeasure, the sea of disappointed faces, their dissatisfaction is plain for all to see, then you might as well be looking in a mirror, cause their face describes just what you are feeling.

Like sheep you go along with it all, you buy the too expensive coffee from the overbearing franchise, you find yourself running; in your head you are running to catch up with your dreams as they slowly float away. The world doesn’t seem so happy anymore, babies are crying, mothers are screaming, phones ringing loudly, cars roaring your peace shattered. Even with your eyes closed and you wishing hard you can’t see it, you try again an that’s when you notice the first of your domino of goals lining up to your future achievements tip over and so starts the crashing of everything you saw so clearly yesterday. Before you know it the day’s gone and night comes bringing with it an discontented day and what looks to be a night of disturbed sleep, so as you close your eyes again you pray whatever power sleep holds in changing your outlook on life that it works in your favour tomorrow.

Often times I’ve wondered what makes good days and bad days. I try replicating what I do on my good days and do them on my bad ones as well. If it works it another topic entirely, One can always hope that the next day is better and the more days we have the higher the chance of having more good ones. I suppose that’s why tomorrow is always something to look forward to it holds my possibilities.